Speaker #0god well hi welcome back again if you're here to listen to me drone on about stuff that half the planet doesn't really care about welcome back i as you guys probably noticed there's been a bit like a week of a delay from when when the podcast was supposed to post and i do apologize for that i was actually planning on um posting i don't know if anyone is remotely interested in this either but a gaming channel video i wanted to film it and so by the time that this had been posted it would be out and you guys could watch that beforehand but that didn't end up happening i made some of um my old vlogs public that were private private they're not the best content they're just some like old videos if you want to watch you don't have to oh the is that oh my god So, um, yeah, I just, I basically just wanted to start a gaming channel. I think the first game I'm doing is Bully. It's like a really old game, like really old. Uh, I played it when I was a kid. I don't think I played it. I think I played it or I watched someone play it. It's been played somehow. and it's uh it's an okay game i just i wanted something that i've i've played before but i don't have like the best memory of to start out playing with playing for by the time uh this is out it may or may not be out so if you're watching on youtube um i'll link it down in the description box below if you want to check it out so oh my god what is going on in the world i don't really cover news topics i should shouldn't i um i should really start covering like i'm not a news channel i really i literally just wanted to talk about stuff that i wanted to talk about which i thought would be very long because sometimes i literally just rant out on people for you increasingly amounted like very long time almost you can see in their face that it's like yeah you need to stop talking so i thought the podcast would be so easy having a little bit trouble but i'm gonna still try drumming out maybe i want to try if i say by the end of the year i feel like that's it's too like you uh i'll say i'll try to keep going until the end of the year and whatever i feel then if i'm literally like i fucking hate this there's no point i'll stop if not then you're stuck with me not really um the first thing i wanted to talk about i think I think almost everyone has felt this or seen it or actually been a part of it, which is like the divide between men and women. And when I say this, I mean, like there's literally a divide between men and women. Like if even if you go to like people of color and people not of color, I don't know, just people in general, when we're talking about the sexes and. I don't know where I'm going with this. Basically, I'm just trying to say that there's a divide between men and women. And I feel like a part of that originates from, I know I keep talking about hormones, but men and women are just completely different. They're wired completely different. That's just how it is. Society makes them different and they're born different. Not just born. I'm trying to stay away from hormones. but i'm just saying just saying like they have a different complete experience they have a complete different experience than a typical female or a typical male would have a different experience than typical female and i feel like a lot of that is could be hormones could be experiences or trauma just like i feel like men and women take life at different points um And I feel like that's what like that's like the originator of the cause of the problem because what happens is like small interactions or what people think are small interactions literally are bigger to other people like um a guy does something and a woman is traumatized by it or it's her last straw and she's fed up from it and so basically her reaction is a lot different than what you would think a male's reaction would be i feel like when that happens um there's like an instinctual desire for people to reverse the treatment you know like she's calling me a creep you know what i mean oh sometimes it's justified i feel like i'm not a man i'm not a man but i feel like most of the times it's a misunderstanding of the girl is completely just uncomfortable with the experience and uh i feel like the guy is not really understanding or it's it's either like a lack of they don't know or they don't care like i hope it's they don't know but it could be that they don't care um i don't know i feel like things happen that make people uncomfortable and uh when that happens and it's like a boundary that uh people are supposed to be aware of i feel like the instinctual thing is to call a dude a creep is to say like oh my god he's creeping me out he's making obviously he's making you uncomfortable but especially when like it's something that's so like like you don't have a right to a woman's body like if a dude just went up and grabbed her ass I feel like that's like a instinctual response. Like you're not going to get someone being like, oh, that just, this makes me uncomfortable. I'm sorry. You're going to get a, get the fuck off of me. Like you're not going to get that nice experience of like, I'm just really uncomfortable. I'm not into this. I'm sorry, but that's not going to happen. I feel like a lot of people, a lot of men are tired of being called creeped. Creeps. God. they're being they're tired of that treatment and they want to reverse that treatment so you can understand the treatment of how that feels i don't know like to put this in extreme measures like i don't know like i don't think it should be done honestly i think that's a thing that you should just let hit you and roll with it especially when you realize when it stems from i'm sure there is like a small percentage of girls that are literally just like as if don't even touch me and they're they're just i don't know i feel like that's like a lot of perception on what people think females will act like and how they treat men and i'm sure some do but i feel like when it gets to that point I've always said like it's like a spectrum so you you're either on the side where you literally want to be objectified you want to be hit on you want to be basically lifted up because your self-worth is so low usually caused by like an external force or whatever and then the on the upper other side of that spectrum you literally someone touching you someone looking at you someone even making a move on you is like the last final straw you can't take it the world's gonna fucking explode because you've put up with so much mistreatment from other people throughout your life and it's so hard because like if if the if a girl is insecure or just some if someone a person is insecure and has low self-worth they want to be lifted up they actually they want you to flirt with them I'm not telling people to go out and grope people or make people uncomfortable. But there's a portion of the population that actually needs to be gassed up, how I like to say, that needs that. I mean, I've needed it a lot, a portion of my life, in certain areas specifically. I think we all have. Fuck, why do I keep making these noises? I'm so sorry. but then it's hard to distinguish because you're just like you don't want to make someone uncomfortable you don't want someone who is fed up or is too traumatized You don't want to push them over the edge and then you don't want someone to think that you're ignoring them or you don't think they exist or basically side whatever fucked up thing they're thinking in their head. That's probably not true. And I think navigating that and finding how to approach people is the difficult thing that I don't think women honestly give men the props for. Like, it's ten times more. it's a million times easier to approach a man as a female like it's so like it's so much easier and um i think it's just not set up that most of the time if a dude's gonna be like grossed yeah it's usually gonna be like the experience that i just about female it's probably gonna be someone that's like a douchebag that's like oh my god i don't think she's ugly or i think she's overweight or think she doesn't have an ass or look at her hairline or oh my god she's from a trailer park like i feel like that's the stuff that women usually hear from men again this is all in my experience don't you can quote me on it don't think it's like a scientific study is what my point is oh i need to stop jesus um you I think I'm doing it when I'm uncomfortable. That's what's happening. But basically, all I'm saying, I think it's just a very difficult thing to navigate for men. And because it's so difficult in all those things that they're trying to do and not do, they get labeled creepy or perverts or like a lot of things that I feel like women don't. And I feel like they... they have like this internal desire to like reverse that treatment i've said this before literally two seconds ago but i think that's what's happening um and i don't know if if that's something that we should address if that's something that we should discuss or is like the cause is this like the effect of something that's a lot bigger so we shouldn't discuss it if that makes any sense you know what i mean so if uh this is a girl behaving like this is the effect of something that's a lot more um bigger does us talking about this invalidate that experience if you know what i mean i just it's just a hard it's a hard thing for it's it's it's sad that we're so divided that like When men see each other, they're gonna stick up for each other. But when they see a woman, 10 times out of 10, they're gonna, like, probably wanna, like, bang her. I don't know. I don't know how my men minds work. But I don't think they're gonna actually want to, like, stick up for them like they would. They're like, you know, they would call, like, a boys club or whatever. I don't think that happens for females and males. that usually does not happen they do it's like oil and water do not mix them up mix well um and so i think i think it's just caused a huge divide is my point of course with also toxic max masculinity i talk about that so much because i feel like it's a cause of so many of our issue so many issues yeah i feel like um It's all peer pressure, basically. And I feel like women are not, well, most women are not going to tolerate that. And I feel like men are shamed if they don't tolerate that. And even more, they're shamed if they don't try to duplicate the same behavior that everyone is done with. Like, most, I feel like a lot of people that are doing this. this behavior or these things that most people would find appalling they don't want to do it really either like it's not something particularly not that i'm making it okay but the people that are doing it a large percentage of them don't want to be doing it like it's oh i don't want to look like a punk type of shit um and i can understand it it's a lot of pressure and it's a lot of expectations I don't know if there's a solution. i'm not uh i don't have answers to everything but i just i think it's a an issue that we have to discuss in society conversation i would definitely like to get started because i feel like it's it's causing so much issues so instead of just trying to attack the thing we could try to go to the root cause and be like okay these men are tired of having to basically go through all these like complicated procedures to figure out something that they necessarily wouldn't have to do with men but i feel like at the same time men have to put up with behaviors that women have the privilege of saying no to or women have the ability to say walk away from or to retaliate and i feel like a lot of men are put in positions where they actually can't say anything or can't can't be in that position to do the same thing that a woman would do and it's upsetting because i'm just i don't know it's really upsetting i don't think anyone should have to put up with any any amount of bad behavior i don't think anyone deserves that honestly i don't i don't know i don't know how we fix this Because I don't, I feel like it's causing a lot of issues and us not discussing it. It's causing more issues. So maybe we should discuss it. I don't know. Oh my god. So this was my most popular episode. So I thought I would revisit it. Because why not? Give them what they want. And I guess I just wanted to talk about. how do i approach this just oh wow that was a nice angle or uh i just want to talk about how people view sex in society even how i'm like trying to like hesitate to say the word sex like that's a that's one of the things that i'm discussing like i feel like a lot of men if they were in the same position that i am currently in right now they would not be as uncomfortable as i am discussing this but right now i'm very very uncomfortable but i'm gonna do this anyways because i feel like it needs to be talked about not that i'm like fucking knowledgeable on this but i feel like um any any topic on sex especially when you're dealing with men and women discussing it to men um bringing up the conversation to a man in having an open vulnerable conversation about just sex and expectations and desires and how you want it when you want it the way you want it it's very difficult conversation to have because i feel like at tax they're made up by society but still felt masculinity it makes them feel like they're not a man because you're literally telling them how to please said women and i i don't think it should exist i feel like no one needs to be having well i don't know some people i i feel like you don't need to be reading a book on how to please your man like i don't think that needs to happen if we just created an environment environment if people were comfortable enough in a relationship to have an open conversation discourse say about sex and about your sexual relationship i feel like it would cause it would fix a lot of issues because i don't know about you but most men when approached by this deflect and don't want to talk about it and it's just not just men as i was discussing with women um a lot of women are so shamed in society to not even ever discuss a sexual desire ever like it's not gonna happen i know a lot of women don't even masturbate because it's not something that a woman should be doing literally there's so many women that have never had an orgasm ever not not just saying with another person by themselves because society has made them feel like they should not be doing that There's also religion and there's other external forces. That could be a reason why it's not happening, but women should not feel ashamed to. to express their sexual sexuality they should not be ashamed to be a sexual being it's like i don't know it's we've gone such an age from a time where literally they would say women were had were hysteria had hysteria because they hadn't had an orgasm the doctors i'm so loud the doctors like the physicians you would like masturbate like basically like jerk off the women so that they would stop being like hysterical because no there was not being just it was not happening basically somehow uh it was okay to do this i don't know i don't know how that was how that went down but soon stopped they no longer do this but it's still something that's ingrained in our society that women don't know how to express themselves or express their sexualities so at the end of the day you have two people having to have a difficult conversation and if you don't it's basically it's crucial and it's just it's really hard i feel like we should make it more even if it's still going to be uncomfortable for us I feel like we should make it more comfortable for the next generation. I mean, like I just said, we literally came from a time where doctors would have to, like, masturbate women to a time where literally we have freaking only fan models from people who are teachers. Like, when you say stuff like that, I wish I regretted instantly saying that because I was literally just going to be like. every time someone says something like that like oh my god it's solved there's no more issues like when we had our first black president they're literally like oh my god racism is solved there is no more racism no more obviously that's not true but whenever something like that dramatic and we can compare it to the past because we can see how far we've come people always want to like dismiss any further struggles because they're like this is no longer a thing but it's a thing and it's something that we have to worry about why i gotta stop talking about this but there's so many things that are different that need to be discussed like because it's not discussed the way that men and women have sex sex are so different like like everyone this is so uncomfortable to say that like There's, like, ways that should be, not taught, but should be, like, oh, no, duh, of, like, foreplay, you know? Of, like, we're not just gonna go and stick something somewhere immediately. Come on. Please. Not. You know, work up to it. Some kissing. slow touching i'm trying not to talk about this too much because i'm comfortable obviously you can discuss this but i feel like i feel like a lot of men want to go from like zero to 100 and i think they don't really understand that women's bodies don't really that like cis women's bodies don't operate like that and so i i literally think that it's just so many young girls have had such shitty and probably men too had had such shitty sexual experience experiences and it's literally set their view on sex on how they view sex like i know how many so many i know this is what serial killers say but i know i'm pretty sure like porn warps your mind like watching violent if like a kid is watching a violent porn as a child and that's how he views sex because he's seen like i don't even want to say this like an extreme sexual situation on screen and now he thinks he's supposed to replicate replicate this on a woman which should not be happening i feel like that like the scene they covered in euphoria it's just it's hard to know what a woman wants because you can't a lot of women will make fun of men who literally be like okay what do you want you know if it's a guy he's like i don't know what to do what do you want me to do he's probably gonna get made fun of by a girl and if a guy just tries to make um an assumption on a guess on what he thinks this person is gonna like then they could be right but they could end up making someone increasingly uncomfortable and i just feel like if we discussed this more openly not like we're like targeting children but just had maybe like a sex ed class again and actually discussing actual sex not just like put a condom on a banana like these are experiences that people actually encounter and questions that they actually need to be answered in a way that's not traumatizing if you know i don't think it's something that they want to think about constantly i don't know that would be really embarrassing if i was in a health class at school and they were literally just okay so this is how females pleasure works i guess you could do it like very scientifically like break down the words so it's not sexual in any manner but it's something that needs to be discussed it's like how do we pass on this information to the people that actually need it in a way that they're actually going to intake the information how is that going to get done it needs to get done how i'm not really sure i don't get paid the big bucks on this um i don't know i think it's something that it's something that we need to talk more and everyone needs to be okay with being discussed obviously not like someone trying to like get in your pants pants but like literally just discussing healthy sex and what that's supposed to be like that in what healthy open communication with sex is supposed to be like i feel like it would solve a lot of problems speaking of solving a lot of problems i uh i wanted to talk about this is such a hard thing to say because whenever whenever whenever someone brings this up just like i was saying before their solution to it being brought up is like okay we're not gonna help anyone no okay we you don't want to be helped then no help i'm like no but this is an actual issue and the issue i'm discussing is and the issue i'm discussing sorry for the cutout i just literally just pretend like there's not a random cut in here my camera's weird i'm sorry uh is a white savior and i feel like we've all heard this term before and i feel like people are not really sure what the definition is and that's why it causes so much anguish and people going like well then i'm not gonna help you with anything then tough luck donut you're you're not getting help from me i don't think that's um that's a problem on why i don't like discussing it but i feel like it's something that happens where it's basically it how my definition let's go with that and how i define it is like a two-prong thing that like the the universal sentence that i will say is usually that this person is trying to help out people, not because they care about these people being helped, but because they wanted to be the person to help, if that makes any sense. They don't actually care about the well-being of these people. They just want the recognition for it, the pat on the back, the trophy, the... wah wah wah wah you know they want something for it they don't want to actually do it because they care or they think that these people need to be helped they're they're doing it for something um and it's also this isn't a white savior i think this is just like a reason why like i have such a trouble receiving help because like It's always, like, the- the fear or the anticipation of, okay, well, it's no- no duh if someone was, like, handed a fucking- Lexus. That's gonna be awesome. No, but getting a lexus and then someone dangling that in front of your face and someone literally being like well you got to do this or basically holding you guilting you making you feel bad making you feel like you have to do xyz that is my fear on why i don't like receiving help from people it's a little bit different than being a white savior but it's a little bit similar somewhat and um it's it's literally my number one fear like no one's going to be afraid of getting the lexus they're afraid of what's going to come after it what they're what you're going to say what you think that this person owes you over something that was completely transactional something that was or even gifted or in this purpose a necessity like literally sending over water to people who don't have water or housing who people We're not housed or food to people who are starving. This is not something that you should be like, okay, now who's gonna freaking suck my wang now? Like, no, basic decency shouldn't be something that people be like, okay, let's hold the applause. It should be something that everyone is freely gifted. When we talk about equality, it's not like we're trying to make people that's what people always see as it's like a threat something trying to be taken away from you or even worse these people are trying to um they're trying to become bigger than you they're trying to become more powerful than you is what it's what people feel it like but actually what's happening is the the the power dynamic was so so unfair in the first place you Even just trying to make it even feels like that to people. Because there's this huge surge of support that they feel like they don't have, but they've been getting this whole time. And it also creates a divide on so many people when we shouldn't really be fighting over this. Like, when you think about it's ridiculous, you're going to treat someone like shit because we sent them. money so that they could drink free water and now they're more important than you and no one cares about you and they're all people are talking about. I hate that so much and it really does get to me. It really does. I don't know what to say. Every time I talk about it I'm just repeating the same thing, but it's so every time it's discussed, people think it's, okay, then I'm not going to help them. You must not want help is the response. And it's just like, no, but you shouldn't try to assert your power over people that are vulnerable. I'm sorry if like literally you had a tenant who housed a bunch of people in an apartment and then he literally is like, okay, I'm going to go to their house and collect what I want to get from them. because i have been giving them housing like that would be completely abuse of power anyone would say that anyone would say that but somehow it's not thought of like that i i hate it so much i do most the people in this situations that we're discussing are vulnerable people or the people that we should be helping but i can't i can't i can't go on like this i'm gonna get pissed i wanted to talk about um the the many uh get a little personal talk about the many surgeries that i've had in my life and the experience it's it was a bit so i don't even know the name of this but it's it was a birth defect they thought it was club foot when i when i was really little and it was basically um two bones in my foot are like fused together and so they put me in cast for like years on years to basically like try to correct the placement of my feet they had me in braces and physical therapy um until finally i did my first surgery i'm not really sure what they did because i was so young but they did it was a really small surgery i think they tried to um unfuse the bones and it failed completely miserably no like that's on them actually i was a huge fan of my doctor my surgeon because he had ms and it obviously wasn't like mine but it was like a disability and so i felt um i felt really connected to him when i was a kid i really loved it i feel like a lot of people would have been freaked out being like oh my god you're operating on me but when i literally i loved it i thought it was so cool it was like when you're a child you're like well if this guy can do it then i can do it obviously it's a different experience like he had already went to medical school and was becoming a surgeon and then he got diagnosed with it i can't imagine what that would be like but he was one of my favorite doctors um and how how we got to all these appointments because we lived in maine was through well either we took the bus to boston or we were part of this program called angel flight they actually did like a news article article on me you can look it up if you want it was actually on the the pilot that flew us because how they their program works i believe they're usually like doctors and stuff who own private planes and then they volunteer their own plane and time to basically fly people to resources they can't get to. So because I needed to go to the surgery, they didn't have any facility or any doctors like that in any place close nearby. So they were the only way that we could get from where we were to where the surgery was. And we had to go through them multiple times. They were actually really wonderful. They were really nice. I got a... fly like a private in a private plane which sounds like so rich like it's not like it wasn't like one of those like it's like the really really small ones where it's like literally like for like two or three people so it's it's still a little like cheap not cheap you know it didn't feel like too much like oh my god i'm in a limousine it felt really cool like there's this moment my mom loves bringing up where the i would he let me sit in the front when i was a kid and he like told me to like fake use like the steering wheel and somehow i ended up grabbing it while it was still running and he like freaked out literally the i literally was like controlling the plane my mom laughed of course she thought it was freaking hilarious because he didn't think that i would actually do that and she thought she's like oh yeah i knew that she would do that I think it's ridiculous because who the frick is putting like an eight-year-old or however old I was in the front of a plane? Should not happen. Should not happen. But, um, my first, yeah, the first surgery, we ended up, we used to stay at the Shriner House, which I believe is run by McDonald's. I don't know if it's still up and running, but I'm pretty sure it's run by McDonald's. and uh it was i want to say nice it was a good experience because of how i who i was at the time um but they basically the second surgery i do know the extent of because the doctor joked with me when i was a kid and he's like yeah i got this from like ace hardware it's actually just nuts and bolts it's it wasn't obviously but um they basically put like two or three screws in my foot which are still in my foot to this day and all of this is to help like pain and um help me walk better i still have the scars to this day and honestly the pain is still persistent it's in my opinion because i've overcompensated on it for so long other parts of my bodies have started to hurt but it's it's it's kind of difficult because i just can't be on my foot for long i have a lot of pain relievers that i use and i i've kind of been nursing for too long but as soon as i get off them like i can't walk i remember the first time i tried um i walked like so many so many trails i would just walk so many trails for fun because it didn't hurt and i was bored And, uh, I just, I don't know. It's, it's, I don't want to go back to a time where it's hurting for me just to walk or stand or not to walk. Like. i'm supposed to go in again i can't go into shriners because it's for children but i'm supposed to go in again just to have them look at my foot and to be like why you're still in pain if there's anything they can do to help i hope they can help but um that's just my my surgery experience it's really boring huh i don't have any much extensive like life or death surgeries I guess I apparently didn't wake up, but I don't remember. It's not really a struggle. Okay, so I don't know how to approach this because I hate when people say particularly lying or... I don't know. And obviously some people are straight up lying, but when people are saying you're lying about your experience, I guess that's when I'm just like... What I wanted to talk about is people trying to, let's say, manipulate a situation to benefit a person or maybe like a flawed point they have. And they're doing this by showcasing the experience they have. If I'm explaining this horribly. Basically, when someone is trying to ask someone about their personal experience that they have not experienced because they have not experienced it, and they're not necessarily telling them the truth, but they're telling them what's going to benefit a particular person or a point that they're trying to prove. And when that happens, most people are aware of it, especially people who are also experienced in the same area. and another thing that happens which is people don't believe you literally people are not going to believe a single word you say you could be like this is my experience this is what happened this is what happens and no one's going to believe a goddamn thing you say because so many people have manipulated the situation for xyz and i don't know how we get away from it because obviously it's like you're stuck in a i hate saying this you're stuck in a situation of like who do i believe is this is this person telling you the truth if i take this person as face value as you should take this person as face value but they're manipulating me so now i'm spreading some false information that's not even true how am i supposed to know what's true what's not true like i feel like the only thing you can do is just check multiple sources yeah like literally just it's it's hard to see like okay how do i make sure that this person Maybe just check multiple people and see like what's like the consensus. I know that's like a lot of work, but I hate just like assuming someone's lying. I hate that so much. Another thing that happens is when like someone's talking like about a topic in any area and they're actually not experienced in the topic, but they have heavily struggled in another area. they get listened to so even not that that not not that that's always a bad thing can i talk ever it's just that somehow sometimes that spreads a lot of misinformation because the person is not actually experiencing what they're talking about they have just struggled in other ways which in my my life i've said experience way too much that actually does help people a lot but I feel like it could also spread misinformation where the spot the spotlight is basically showcased on someone that doesn't necessarily know what they're talking about because they have been through something even probably even more difficult and it's hard to be like okay like again who do I trust to talk about because you're like this person is very experienced in one area it's literally like going to like a surgeon and then asking them to be a therapist like i feel like quote tell me if i'm wrong but i'm pretty sure they all have to do like a every a rotation in school for therapy so even if the the surgeon wasn't like experienced in it they're probably gonna know something but it's it's the point of uh you I don't know this because it's not saying that they're like dumb. Not that it's bad if someone is. I hate that word. But not saying that they're inexperienced or that they know nothing is what people think. They do know a lot. It's just that particular topic that they're talking about, they're not as informed. Look at me. How many things do I talk about that I'm not informed in? I try to. Yeah, I try. I try. I hate bias. I hate I like to say biased against the common common good because that word really ticks me off sometimes but there are people like that are literally biased like I'm scared to go to therapy because I don't know if my therapist is going to have a bias against me in some particular way and I don't know if I'm going to be able to trust what they're saying to me I know this sounds crazy but that's literally my fear because I I don't know I it's it's scary to think oh this person has a like a hidden vendetta against you and you don't know like there's no way you're gonna find out about that oh boy it just sucks because it creates it creates a lot of skepticism and it creates an environment where no one's believing anyone and and then no one's changing their behavior because they're not experiencing it So it's just, it's creating a very bad environment for everyone. I wish people would stop. I try not to. I've been, I've been definitely tempted, but I definitely try not to because it's, you're not just doing it for yourself. You're doing it usually for a whole community of people or you're speaking sadly with, I'll say instead of for. and so i think um i don't know i think people just need more conscious just listen to maybe more people i don't know if that's going to spread even more misinformation but i think that that would help um i might just bring this to the main one that i've been burning to discuss because of how some people in our society have been talking oh my god um and that's basically like what the frick makes a gosh damn american like i am so tired of hearing this conversation excuse me but What did you do to earn being an American? What did you do? Because I don't know if it's just me, but I was pushed out of a freaking vagina. Like, that's all you did. That don't, it don't make you special. It don't make you superior. It doesn't mean that, it literally means nothing. Nothing. Like, literally, other than the fact that. shit other countries are not cool with us that's all it means and literally i'm so tired of like this thing being passed on of like these what what what makes you deserve to be here what makes you being deserve to be in this country like it makes no sense to me like on how people are literally gonna be like, I'm so superior to someone that's trying to become an American. What? I'm sorry, what the frick did you do? What did you do? And now we're, what's your reasoning on why you don't, why you don't want people to come in? Uh, how about you stop people from birthing? That's, that's not something you're gonna do? that's not something gonna do wait what would happen if you passed a law forcing people to get rid of their children that would be atrocious that would be insane who would do that i'm making the camera shake that would be crazy like literally they'll like the the entitlement of oh this person is less than me because i was privileged enough you Enough to be born in this country. I'm sorry if you're gonna close the borders. Why don't you close the goddamn uteruses? How many goddamn births have there been made? I'm not speaking. I can't speak English. God damn it. I hate people so much. I'm sorry. People piss me off. Why are we making it so hard for people to come in and work a goddamn job? Why are we making it so hard? Why? What's the reasoning? Because most of the time, I can't. I can't. We just treat people like complete and utter like just horribly. Like actually horribly. Because someone literally handed you a title of being an american and so now that makes you want to dictate on what i can't get over this like it's my stopping point like what okay okay we're going there um it's freaking i can't i'm gonna go away from here before all i get killed by a bunch of republicans i don't hate republicans i just hate that people don't care about people does that mean the same thing i don't know i'm done being political uh if you give a about the world then give a about you that's all i gotta say i'll end this another smooth takeaway what i said last time um i wanted to talk about my school experience I feel like this is gonna die. My camera's weird. It only lets me record at like 30 minutes at a time. I'm gonna get a different one. But I wanted to talk about. Kamara's school experience. Oh my lord. So I had a lot of difficulties. With school. Like back in Maine. Where I went to school. my mom put me in this head start thing it was like pre pre pre preschool i think she just like wanted me out of the house i was the school that i went through basically my whole youth it was preschool all the way from eighth grade and the way that the the class worked you had one teacher who taught you all of your classes the whole year so it was literally you with one teacher and probably nine to ten other kids and i had the same class from preschool all the way to eighth grade most like obviously some came some left but it was like a core group of the same people so it was a lot it was a very different school experience let me say looking back i am so thankful that that was my experience we had another middle school in like the actual town over and their middle school was like every other middle school where it's basically like high school and i think that would have definitely made me like flounder like i had issues which sounds horrible it's like how could you have issues that sounds perfect i had issues at that school which sucks like the biggest issue it was my favorite school like literally it's the only school that i have like really good memories of and it literally like when you look back you're like smiling like i wish i had all my uh my yearbooks and like that it's like literally probably the only reunion i would go to is like my my the woodland was it elementary or middle school those don't exist um but yes uh my my my problem was um they don't they didn't have funding such it because it's such a small school i don't know if they still do this but apparently funding is dictated based on the neighborhood you're you grow in you're growing in it i guess so if you're in a like um a very what you would say like middle class neighborhood and my camera's about to die oh god freaking damn it if you're in a middle class neighborhood i'll end this story uh in maine you If you're in a middle class neighborhood, basically they give your school more money than if you're in a poor neighborhood. I don't know if we were in a poor neighborhood, but they had like no funding for special education. The food was horrible because of our religion. I remember when I was the last Johnson kid at the school and I was a vegetarian. They literally like it translated to like slowly like, okay, we're going to give her PB&J. Okay, we're going to give her bread. No. Okay, I'm going to continue talking because I want to finish this story. But they literally transition to like, okay, we're going to give her bread and peanut butter. And then it's like, okay, we're just going to give her a slice of bread. And literally, I think it happened because I was the one kid to not throw a fit or not even say anything. There was this other autistic kid who had a full-time case manager with them. 24 7 throughout the whole school time i'm not gonna say her name because that's ridiculous but um there was an incident that really upset me and i didn't say anything because i was also a kid but she was literally really upset me because she was trying to be like this mean goal mean girls environment i don't know it's very clicky but she was like if like i don't want i don't want to age someone but she was like a 30 year old woman woman doing a click with a bunch of 12 year olds so it was really weird to me and there's this point where she like it escalated where she was like she puts her hands over the the kid's ears and like pretends like she's like squishing her head and she's like sometimes i just wanna and she pretends to like squish her head i i've never seen this as a kid i was literally like what the fuck is happening i was so aston astounded i was how is this happening who is allowing this uh i was scared it literally made me i was literally scared because i didn't know what i i wish i i saw that now because i would say something to her and i would report that crap oh my god the she was she was so unaware too and i felt like complete like the lady should have been fired like completely fired the whole time all she did was basically talk shit with a bunch of 12 year olds that's all she did all day and normally i wouldn't if she was like actually like helping the person and need needing of help i don't give the what you're doing but she wasn't helping her and she was constantly berating her in in my point of view abusing her and when you're in that position of power and you're dealing with someone in that who's that vulnerable it's kind of disgusting to me like that's not appropriate behavior no it's not even like a Karen that's like I literally want to puke thinking about this if I had a child and I trusted you with my child and this is how you treated my child like I would be livid livid um frick I'm just trying to finish this story on how I ended it um it basically it escalated to me not being able to go to school For a lot of different reasons, we would keep having ISP meetings. I don't know if anyone remembers. God, the main of my existence. Basically, like, how are we going to get Kamara in school? What are we going to do? We need to get her through the doors, guys. One of the things that they just ended up doing was they sat me with a math tutor at the public library. And she was basically. teaching me all of my classes like i became like really close with her and she to this day i know what a vinculum is it's a line in between a fraction guys um but it didn't really help me learn because she was a math teacher so she didn't really know anything besides math but she was really good at math but she was supposed to teach me all these other uh classes all these other classes that she knew nothing about and they put her in a horrible position because she had to do it but i i still do it was like the longest period that i was holding up in school um and all this was during middle school i feel like sixth grade it was all during the point where it became social like when you're a child like everyone is almost the same like you know everyone's like a little bit they they kind of look autistic you know what i mean like they don't act like that now but when when you go through that period of like okay we're social now this is how we're supposed to act this is how you're supposed to be that's when it like everything started going down i'll talk about that more because i've literally the camera's been dead for so uh long and i think we're about to hit our time so um I'll see you guys. I'm, I'll see you guys soon. I, I, I'm not sure if I want to go to a weekly still or go to every two weeks, but, uh, we'll see. I'm trying to, I'm going to stick to my promise, guys. I'm going to keep doing this until the end of 2025. That's like seven months. That's almost a pregnancy. Um, but I'm going to, I'm going to try to do that. Also, keep a lookout for a gaming channel that I'm going to be doing. I'm so excited for that. My partner is doing one too. If you want to come check that out as well. I'm excited. I'll link both all the information down on the YouTube channel. And if you don't know that this is on YouTube, you can look it up on YouTube. You can know that now. I'm sorry. It's so aggressive. uh but i'll i'll leave all that down in the description if you guys want to go check it out and uh thank you guys for watching bye
