Speaker #0hello guys so i know this podcast may be different it may not be depending on who knows but um uh this might be a shorter one because today we are discussing something that's a little bit a little bit judged in society and that's going to be um sex oh my god No. Um, I just wanted to talk about some of the things around, I guess, I don't even think it would be sex, more of, um, sexual, sexualization of people, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just think it causes so many issues between so many different people, and I feel like there's, so here's what I have a problem with personally. is uh manipulating someone that's not aware on what you're doing you know you know what i mean so someone that's not aware and someone that's vulnerable and doesn't really know what's happening and you're trying to manipulate them with i don't know flirtation or whatever that kind of rubs me the wrong way just because i'm just like okay well this person doesn't really know that you don't want to be around them and you're just wanting to use them so makes me feel what the fuck is on my foot oh my god sorry i think i have allergic reaction to this shower gel oh my god that looks horrible oh yeah i gotta stop using that one oh my god i just noticed that jesus christ sorry um but yeah i think the problem comes when people are not aware of the the fact that you're manipulating them i guess i i see guys do it i see girls do it it might not always be manipulation it might just be like people enjoy flirting but like manipulating someone by flirting i feel like it gives me this like bad really bad feeling that i i don't want to do but i feel like there's there's a there's two ways to that street because there's always the um i was just talking about this like the blue ball situation that every young person is told about you know oh they're turned on now so now it's your problem to fix it or you're a horrible person because they're in pain like that's not a thing every young person should know that's not a thing there's this thing called a cold shower that they can hop into there's no you should never never feel pressured to do any sexual situ anything that you do not feel comfortable with because you feel like they're gonna be in pain no like oh my god that's like the biggest manipulation of all time of oh my god you turned me on so now you have to you know perform some stuff on me i don't know what i'm allowed to say i i just that's um you either one of those just really did not make me feel good because especially people who are like vulnerable people who are not aware they're i feel like easy to take advantage of i don't know there's my piece on that like i feel like um because people do these specific things and as some people get caught in the crossfire like you'll see someone wearing something that you may perceive as sexual or maybe they just think it's cute or whatever and somehow that's an open invitation open invitation for someone to come talk to them it's someone that like it means like oh i want something from you instead of oh i'm just existing in society without having to like gratify some sexual desire of yours like i would no that's not gonna happen i and we like we love our thirst to people but there's a comes a point when you're the whole point of this person's like purpose that of existing is not for your sexual anything like you know what i mean the fact of like oh you i don't know maybe she's in this booty shorts for because it's 90 degrees and god knows where she's wearing it doesn't matter why she's wearing honestly Now you got a boner. So now it's her fault that you are turned on. Like, I don't like that point of thinking going down of blaming someone just for existing. And I don't like controlling someone's attire or behavior so you don't get flustered or turned on. like making someone uncomfortable is like one thing but like you seeing someone that's plus sized in a crop top and you're like oh my god i'm uncomfortable by this like that's just a rude thing to say like mind your own business i know people are like oh my god that should not this person isn't should not be wearing that because it's not flattering no other they're not hurting anyone it's not appalling to see a human body of a you stomach like no that that really that really rubs me the wrong like no there's like the level of like what I'm comfortable with and then there's the level of like I don't want these views being turned on me by society that make no sense like if someone can explain something to me in uh a way where I'm like okay this rule makes sense there's There's a reason why we should not be speeding down the street at whatever, however fast we're going. There's a reason why that shouldn't be happening. There is no reason that you should not wear a hat in public in a building. Like, you know what I mean? If you look into the reasoning on why you can't wear a hat in a building and why it's so disrespectful, the reasoning is because God can't see you through a hat. but somehow he can see you through the ceiling like there's some logic missing like in somehow as a society we just accept it without thinking we're just like okay yeah it's disrespectful just it's disrespectful but why is it disrespectful you just automatically take your hat off and i know it's like there's so many things of like um you know like a salute or like even a thumbs up there's so many things that are like what does that even mean you know it's just a gesture gesture or whatever but the fact is that that's supposed to be because god can't see you and everyone is literally like yeah let's just abide by this rule that makes no sense and we don't really know why we're doing it but we're gonna continue doing it for no particular reason like that stuff always gets to me like i know i was talking about the nipples last episode that's probably gonna be the last talk about nipples Um, I remember this one episodes of episode of the show called botched. I used to watch and It bugs me so much if you ask like anyone in my life I brought it up so much because i'm like it pisses me off for like no like So here's the two people. There's a man who got a um, he got a breath. He got a boob job as a bet he said And there was a female who I think she was getting her, I think she was getting her boobs taken out. They both had boob jobs. Like they both had implants put into their breast area. Both of them. Somehow in the episode, they blurred, they blurred hers, but they did not blur, blur his. I know this is not making any sense, but I was literally, what's the difference? They both have breast implants at this point. Both of them. So why are you blurring hers and not his? Like, why is that happening? Other than the fact that she's a female? Like, that's- I'm like- What? How does that make any sense? That makes no sense to me. Not that, like, maybe- Honestly, looking back, maybe she just didn't want her full frontal breast on camera. Because who would? But at least blur his. You know what I mean? Keep it- keep it equal don't like don't have his breasts out and not her breasts out like that seems a little bit unfair but i'm kind of over the the breast obviously uh sorry if i keep looking at my phone it's because i'm watching notes because of moments like this where i don't want to just I have lapses of like, I don't know what to say, so I'm gonna say a bunch of words because I don't know what to come next, so please bear with me. I know one of the things I wanted to talk about was, well not really talk about, just touch upon, was the like the difference between like, I'm so not informed, but I was literally trying to think okay what's the difference between most men in society and females? Obviously there is toxic masculinity, I know I talk about that so much, but I think one of the major differences is like, oh, it's like a hormonal issue. I don't want to say issue. It's a hormonal thing. Like, I think guys have different, females have different hormones at the same time. Everyone has different hormones. But I think because of their hormones makes men act a certain particular way that women wouldn't act. Not that I'm judging. I don't even know what I'm going to say about this. But I literally just think it's hormones. I think it's hormones making them feel specific ways that didn't they? I don't know if this is true, but I know they said that when you're a girl is on her period, you're supposed to be feeling like the same, some of the same hormones that a man feels like every day. If that's true, I don't, I don't know what to say because depending on when I'm on my period, like there, it's such a like accumulation of different type of hormones from like this is happening and this is happening now this just happened and it's all getting piled on top of each other until like i go crazy yeah it's horrible it's it's a fun fun but i can't imagine having that that feeling like 24 7. i feel like i would go crazy and i i think that's mass vast majority of men oh my god like it's literally snap team snatcha um i don't know not to make a gender issue but i feel like i feel like you would have a problem with almost anyone like going back to what i was talking about it's like you know assuming someone is interested in you in a sexual way or i don't know you know what i mean like just because a girl's in a dress dress doesn't mean it's an open invitation to come talk to her And I feel like I've been stuck in so many situations where I think we've all had that, right? Where like someone you're with or someone that you like has maybe like a wandering eye and they look, okay, let's be real. There's not one person that's like not thinking about sleeping with, like, you know, you don't just shut it down completely. You obviously don't become a creep or try to make. or disrespect your relationship but i feel like it's normal i feel like it's normal for people to check someone out i wouldn't do it just purely on the i'm always like oh my god they're uncomfortable by it and that always stops me i don't know but i i wouldn't it wouldn't bother me as a pure like as a girlfriend though it wouldn't be my issue i know it is a lot of girls issues understandably and I'm never the person I would never pursue someone in a relationship that's that's kind of weird to me I yeah I I don't do that but I've I've definitely been in situations where I feel like people thought I was trying to pursue a relationship and that's not been the best like I've set clear boundaries of myself of like oh no if if this person has like a partner or significant other I'm not going to do xyz like obviously i don't i don't flirt but i'm very nice and i feel like today's environment if you're not like a total biatch then somehow people think that you're like into them literally if you don't act like a horrible human being they literally think like i don't know they think like oh my god you're trying to flirt with someone's partner or whatever which is ridiculous i feel like it's just regular it's regular jealousy which everyone experiences i feel like i had i had so much jealousy when i was younger i the the most time i have jealousy is when you are in a relationship that has not um the commitment conversation has not been had like define the relationship that has not happened yet that's the time when i'm literally freaking out because i'm like okay you could be hooking up with this person you could be doing this but But you have no way of saying stop, you know what I mean? You can leave the relationship, but when you're in that, like... bubble of like, but we haven't committed so It's the worst level of jealousy because normally when I'm jealous I'm at a point in a relationship that I can try to vocalize it It's like like what I was talking about before you have to be in a relationship where your partner is going to give you this space to be vocal about that so like obviously not be like you don't want to be like the crazy girlfriend or whatever and be accusing like what were you doing oh who are you with like that always comes off horribly but i feel like being able to talk to whoever you're with and be like uh well i saw you talking to this person and i think you thought you liked them what's up with that i don't know or you know or like i have not been feeling the best about this situation could you reassure reassure me that nothing's happening i feel like that's the normal path not normal that's what you're supposed to do not that there's like a again a rule book but i feel like that's the thing to do when you're um when you're jealous i don't think the jealousy is going to stop like there's emotions that you have and it's you can't control it you finna you shouldn't feel horrible or bad or feel or regret i mean this is someone that you care about and someone that I don't want to say is yours, but it's someone that you, it's someone with a huge part of your life. So if you weren't upset, that would probably be a huge red flag. I think it's being able to be like, okay, what do I do with these feelings? I'm jealous now, or I'm irrationally jealous or whatever. What do I do? Like, do I start attacking the person I'm jealous over? Do I start talking my partner? I think we've all been down those roads, but I hate, that's my, like, my number one, like, I constantly think of, like, even if you're like, oh my god, I want to, like, I don't know, I'm not a tacky person, but I don't know what you would do, like, I don't want to, I want to, I don't know, throw a confetti, I don't know, I want to, I'm upset with this person, is what I'll say. and then the my normal response is to never blame the woman like unless they were my friend my family or you know someone where i had a personal relationship there's no reason for me to be like going up to into some random person that i don't even know like there's no there's no reason to do that it's so petty and it's it's gonna bite back on you so bad like i know people don't want to like look like they're the wimp in the situation like like no you shouldn't feel less than because you got not even cheated on or you know what i mean because someone's disrespecting your relationship that has nothing to do with you that's not that's nothing to do with you that's all what this person is doing and how this person respects people they're dating i i don't know i feel like all you can do is try to voice it healthy healthily And if you're not able to, that's when it gets to a point of like escalation. We're doing things that we're not proud of. We're doing things that we can't take back. We're doing really horrible things in the vein of these emotions that we can't really control. I would never suggest someone therapy, but having one person in your life, even if it's not someone you pay, like someone that you can just talk to. to someone that you no matter what you're going through you're like okay i can tell them what i'm going through i can talk about my feelings i can talk about my emotion even if you're not at that stage yet with who you're with having one person in your family like that or friends or just someone to talk to that you would actually have a conversation with i think is the need i think that's what everyone needs instead of going and doing the thing that you're gonna regret and it's probably gonna fuck your own life up let's be real is to be able to be like okay trudy my boyfriend's going crazy i saw him checking this girl's ass out the other day oh my god i lost my shit like i feel like that is a better reaction to have not that we should be blaming but blaming the woman has always been something that's like it gets me because i'm just like well she did not commit to me you know what i mean she never agreed to this Like, even if she was, like, this mastermind that was trying to take- That would probably piss me off. That would probably be the stopping point if she was literally like, Oh, yeah, that's cool to have. Revenge is never good, guys. I will tell you that. It's fun to watch on television when you're a young adult. But experiencing and being in any dramas is never fun. it's always just fucking everything up ruins all your relationships and it just drama is not fun so today was the first time trying lash extensions i don't know if anyone's ever tried that before i i got this kit like it was like two months ago And I try to put it on permanently, not permanently. They're supposed to last like a couple weeks instead of you having to apply it every single day. Oh my god, I'm sorry. Same with a quick weave. This is what I also want to do. Oh my god, I'm sorry. The last time I tried it, I couldn't get them to stick. The glue was sticking to the tweezers, basically, that they give you. and literally they were like misshaped they couldn't stay on i was like cussing up a storm i was so pissed there was it was just not happening for me i then i read online that somehow you're supposed to use like this the lash duo glue and so i used that one and they actually they actually stayed like it was so easy to put on and i'm like kicking myself now because i'm just like i should have done this a long time ago and now you now is the first time that i've done i want to try to do a quick weave too like there's so many things i want to do with my hair then the the quick weave is the next thing i want to do because it's really cheap and the materials are really cheap i don't want to it up the number one thing uh i wanted to like practice faster was um braiding my hair down completely i uh i don't want to put my hair in something that's going to be in there for like weeks jesus christ i'm sorry uh and there's like a huge big bump in the back of my head like that's not gonna make me feel good and if i finally did it today and i'm happy with how the braiding turned out turned out this is like a v part wig i don't know if you guys know not a huge fan of this one but i wanted to do a quick review i'm so excited I'll probably document that process if if I do it I'm not sure I hate making commitments because I'm not going to be able to live up to it and then I'm disappointed you or failed my own commitments so I'm just not going to try to promise anything so it doesn't happen as usual but I hate that because I like talking of like okay well this is what I want to do this is what I need to stop but I like doing it and I just need to talk to someone else besides the camera because I'm like this is what I want to do I want to do this and I want to do this and maybe like 10% of it actually happens and of that 10% like five of it is consistent and I hate that because there's like I don't know if there's too many things I want to do or I'm unable to focus on one thing at a time but I would love to like oh my god there's there's a lot of hairstyles i want to try some braids in the summer like obviously i'm not going to have this in the summer you still got a couple months did you tell that i don't know what to say i don't want to talk about like tv shows and famous people because i don't know it is exploitative at the same time i don't know what to talk i don't know what to say um has anyone like ever followed famous people on instagram i i i don't know how long i've definitely we all know this i was a fan girl and um I don't know. I thought it was so cool. I thought it was like this way of like... people we view as celebrities posting like very personal images by them i don't know i thought i always thought it was a cool experience it's like having them on facebook i don't know i don't know what we were to say i've always had it ever since i was a little kid and then i feel like when i was older i decided to i don't know i was just like they're never going to see my shit no this i think that's what happened there's this um i got so excited there was this girl i won't say the name but my favorite character on degrassi um response sorry technical difficulties this is why you should not run this all by yourself but i was thinking uh, I was talking about, oh, yes, I, I used to just follow a bunch of people on Instagram, um, I don't know, and then one time, uh, yes, the favorite, my favorite character from Degrassi responded to my, my comment on their post, and I was, like, freaking out, like, I was literally, like, oh my god, I think I should. I showed my partner. I was literally like, oh my god, she responded. She responded to my message. I was literally, it was like the best day of my life. I'm laughing because, I don't know, it's very, it seems crazy to have a good moment about that. But I think the craziest, the craziest thing for me is, I didn't think anyone would ever see my message. You know, I'm like, you think these people get like, 30,000 comments on their post today and most of them are probably not the best you never think that they're going to see your comment you never think they're gonna even honestly know you're you exist and when someone does you have you enter this space of like oh shit this person's aware of me this person can hear everything i'm saying maybe i should be careful of what i'm saying because it's i don't know it's very disrespectful period Even if they are godly or otherworldly. I don't know what to say. Like, we view them as not people because it seems so not people. You know what I mean? Like, oh yeah, you're not going to run into Tom Cruise at Starbucks. Maybe if you live in California. But I just don't think that's something that's going to happen. I don't go about my day thinking like, oh yeah, this is... they're going someone on the internet with millions of people is going to see my stuff that only gets like a thousand views like that does not go through my head if it does go through your head it's not a bad thing it's just oh boy I don't know why I started recording today. Today is not my day. There's not much I want to talk about right now. But I agreed to do this, so I'm going to try to stick it out for the rest of this podcast. About nothing. Like, I should have chosen a subject. My plan failed miserably on what I wanted to do. And so now I'm like, I'm trying to think on what I should do because I still want to keep obviously posting this podcast, but I'm not quite sure on what, what it's going to look like. I'm not sure. We'll figure something out. No matter what I'll have, um, I'll post every week, no matter what. something's got to be posted it's just i want it to be good and i want it to be consistent i'm gonna try to find an equal song hopefully oh boy is this a fun fun episode um i guess i could do a little bit chat about i don't want to talk too much about my life because i feel I feel like it's really boring. I don't feel like anyone wants to hear about my life. But I can talk about it. Um. I can tell you the story on how my mom got the cops called on her like 20 times when I was 14. So this all started from when I was... We were moving from Oregon to, not from Oregon, we were moving from northern Maine to Oregon. My mom had family out here and her mom was dying at the time so she wanted to go see her and patch things up with her before she passed away. So we basically just packed up everything and moved. there's a lot of things that ended up happening in our original place that we were staying up fell through and when it fell through the only place we had at that time was the car that we literally just drew drove all the way from northern Maine to Oregon and we ended up staying at the in the car um most of the time We would drive on the weekend home to see my grandma because she lived like an hour and a half away. But my mom couldn't stay there because of her job. She couldn't drive that commute that every single day. So basically, we would just ended up sleeping in the car when I was a kid, which was not a good like it's a thing you not. you have no choice no one's gonna choose to sleep in a car it was something that i you know i don't want to talk i can but like my whole living situation growing up was uh rocky i'll say but long story short she fi uh she not finally but she got a job at a call center and um basically what i did Because the semester I moved back, they weren't going to start me in school until the next semester. So I was literally in the car the whole time. And Ausha was staying at her friend's house. Why did I mention my sister's name? sorry for the edit um but um my my mom basically would just have me stay in the car while she was doing her job and i would be like nocturnal so i would try to stay up uh at night so while she was in there for like eight hours i would sleep in the car excuse me oh so this lady who worked with my mom she kept seeing this little girl in the car sleeping and for some reason she thought i was like eight years old and so she kept calling the the cops and being like there's like this eight-year-old girl in the car i'm concerned and every time the cops would literally be tapping on my window to wake me up and i would be freaking out at this point i didn't know what to say and they got called like three four five at a certain time they were so pissed like they literally yelled at the person that they probably didn't yell but they literally were like upset at the person that kept calling the cops because they're like there is no reason for the cops to be called all of this is legal all of this is fine stop calling the cops this is the waste of resources like literally happened so many so many times and it was always like waking up to like a tap on the window by and you see a freaking police officer looking at you it's not the it's not the best feeling i don't know if anyone's ever dealt with that before oh my god i was not a fan of that lady i know she was trying to help and i know she was trying i don't know like that I know she was trying to, um, make sure that I was safe, but I feel like it just put me in environments and situations that I should not have ever been in. I was 14, so I, I wasn't that young, but I guess it was fine. I guess it was fine. And we ended up, um, getting a place soon after that. Well, not soon. Eventually after that. And. That's all she wrote. I'm sorry guys if I'm literally like, this is not, not my day to do this. i'm trying i think i'm going to just end this here and have it be super short and it's going to be cut up a bunch um but i enjoyed doing this i liked i like talking i wish i had something more i wanted to talk about i'm not really sure what to talk about um what i liked about my react videos that i used to do because it was like something to bounce off of versus just me aimlessly talking by myself. I don't know if anyone's done that before, but it's not it's not easy. I don't have a lot of stories. I have some and then a lot of them of most of what I have I can't even talk about. So it's like it's involving another person or it's involving a situation that I can't really talk about on the internet. And so then I'm just like I don't know what to talk about and This episode's gonna be again. I want this to be something actually pretty, something I want to be proud of eventually, not just, oh, some random stuff I'm putting out every week. So, um, I don't know what that is, but this week I will definitely put my nose to the book. I don't know why I said that. I will definitely try to figure out something to make of this that's a little bit more entertaining. A little less boring. A little more funny. Maybe. Hopefully. I don't know. But thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. If you did. If I fucked up with the video camera. I'm sorry. Hopefully we'll get back in a rhythm. I am going to post this. The normal post time will be. it's technically Thursday Thursday at 2 a.m I know that's such a weird time but I wanted a time where like people were like commuting to work or people are waking up in the morning or blah blah blah I just wanted early time I'll change that maybe later if um it's not convenient but every podcast there will be something posted um Thursday at 2 a.m and it's you linked on like 30, not 30, it's like 15 different platforms. So whatever you listen on, there's going to be a link there to listen or watch. If you go to my Instagram at Kamara Johnson, C-A-M-A-R-A-J-O-H-N-S-O-N, it has almost every link for everything you ever want to find me on anything. so if you ever want to get notified if you want to subscribe subscribe to the newsletter for the for the podcast so you always get informed all those links are down there every single one of them um even my personal social links are there as well which i will get back to um i don't know i'll say it again my instagram is Kamara Johnson, C-A-M-A-R-A-J-O-H-N-S-O-N. And I'll talk to you guys next week. Sorry I'm a little down in the dumps this week. I know it's real fun to be around. Appreciate you guys. Bye.
