Speaker #0hello i don't know why you're saying that welcome back to the podcast the most unreliable thing on the internet today today is going to be different as usual i i know i usually have like a structure and how i do this as you can see you cannot see me on this it's going to be audio only for a while um just on a number of things I thought I would just give a catch up on how life has been and things that I'm planning on doing, personally. One of the things, um, is, uh, I know I've talked about moving a lot. You might be able to hear my dog in the background. She's so annoyed. Um. There's many, I'm so vague with this, like 99% of the time, there's so many reasons on why our move is going to take a while, whatever that's going to end up looking like. I don't know, there's so many things that are happening, I can't say that this is what we're planning on doing and then something else happens 15 million times, so I'm going to, again, try to keep it as vague as possible. if that is possible. And I guess one of the things that I really wanted to move for is I miss doing my vlogs. I've been watching so many other vlogs lately. I've been watching so many moving vlogs lately. They're literally my favorite thing since the first time I started watching YouTube circa 2014. I literally just look up moving vlog and I love it's my favorite thing to watch ever. So my plan was to start the vlogs again when we moved which was the date it was has changed a million times due to a million reasons. And I finally decided that you know what. I miss the vlogs. Like I miss the vlogs so much. One of the reasons why I hated it was I was on sleeping pills at the time and it made me like very nauseous. So the level that I was going at before wasn't, I wasn't able to do that. It was just bumming me out so bad. So I don't know. I just miss doing that. I miss doing the vlogs. I think that was my favorite thing to film. It's the easiest thing to do with low budget or low resources on anything, basically. But there are some things that we have to do and figure out before that's even done. Of course, like, this schedule, I've talked about this so many times, but, um, what that would look like, I want to try to say weekly. Like, I want to try to say I want it up weekly, but I know me, and I'm, like, such a perfectionist that I want more time to work on it. So, I'm a little iffy on the timeline on how much it will be posted, that one's I'm still figuring out. but it's definitely coming back soon yeah i'm it's just whatever that's gonna look like i'm not sure there's probably i would say maybe like a week of stuff we have to do before that's possible i could say and that doesn't mean that the vlog is gonna be out next week as much as i would want that to happen it's probably gonna be like month and again i'm saying that on a timetable that i don't want to give but i feel like i'm confident in saying it will definitely be out by then and they're probably going to be a little bit delayed like the way i want to do it is it's not going to be instantaneous like if you see a vlog it's probably going to be something that was shot like two weeks to a month ago when you when you see it that's how That's how the timeline's gonna be, based on a bunch of stuff. So if you guys see- when you guys see the first vlog, just knowing that was probably shot- two weeks to a month ago so um that's when i'm the number one plan the number one thing i'm trying to get done on top of a million other things let's not get into that because i can't i have this list of stuff i want to talk about um some of it i just straight up crossed out Because I literally am like, I don't want to talk about that anymore. I don't think there is a way for me to talk about that without it sounding crazy. So, um, just not going to go there. I think, uh, I think the vlog is like the number one thing that I've been excited about and trying to get done possibly. Because as much as I love the podcast, I've lost my joy in making it so much. Like one of the reasons why I wanted to go audio only is because I thought it would literally push me to want to do it no matter what. So I literally was trying to go back to weekly again. Just because like I made the promise that I want to stick out. Sorry, that's my dog. I made the promise that I want to stick out and do this for me. And I don't want to. I want to stick to that. So I have to try to do this whatever possible way that means. If it means that it's audio only. If it means it's a 30 minute one every week. That's what we're going to go for right now. And hopefully this will look different. Who knows. Obviously them still doing my gaming channel. Like I'm so much like it's so fun to film. But it's so much easier for me to get into doing it when I know people are actually watching it. But then I'm still going to do it. I'm still going to make the video even if I get like seven views on the video that took me like God knows how long to make. But I think I actually prefer gaming videos more than the podcast right now. I think it's just as much as I want to even the vlogs do this too. But as much. as much as I wanted to make my life as part of the... my personal life as part of the video, it's not the best... it's not always the fun thing to do. So I'm literally going to... I'm going to continue doing this. I don't know what it's going to look like. I'm going to still continue doing my gaming video. And the vlog should be back. I want to do what I was doing before. for a hot minute which was i want the vlogs but an occasional like random video my dog is so occasional random video but like i'm so like i don't want to have like five different channels of like a podcast main channel vlogging channel i just wanted to have like one channel and then now i've ended up having like three different channels for like some like it's became become like very complicated um but we'll we'll see how it goes i still i still want to do it and you guys are going to see that soon i'm going to stop rambling you guys are going to see that very very soon um on if they're going to be entertaining or not who knows um but it's going to happen so um Expect that back soon. I'm really excited, as you can tell. Let's look at the shit I wanted to talk about because I am so interested in what I'm talking about right now. Okay, this is something that honestly has been on my brain for a long time. And I know, I know, like, I talk about jealousy so much. It's crazy. But this thing is literally bothers me to the core. And I feel like people, they don't understand it. Or they, it sounds so absurd when you like break it down. When you break it down, it makes sense. But when you just look at it as a, at a glimpse, you're literally like, okay, this is kind of insane. And that's when people are jealous of someone's struggle. Like, there's this thing that happens in society I think everyone's aware of. where we have we have kind of developed to this point where yeah a lot of up happens in our world but it's almost so much that people react to it so now when stuff happens people usually have a response to it especially when the public is seen at large and I feel like because of that because people are actually having consequences for their actions it it leads to a lot of different problems I know that's weird one of them being um someone who is literally being beaten up at large by the public and we know that people who are being ostracized people who are othered you by society. One second, I gotta get my dog out of here. I'm sorry, Jesus. Freaking hurts. What was I talking about? So basically, anyone that has basically been held down or put down or literally, I don't know how many adjectives I can come up to describe this. The world reacts. And how the world reacts usually is by like, you know, giving you a pat on the back, a support of like, yeah, we know the world is shitting on you right now, but we care about you and we have your back. Very cheesy. Some people may see it as pity. I like to, there's so many names that I've referred to as like gas or flowers. There's like many of things of, uh... there's many ways that you can view it so it doesn't have to be like okay this person is pitying you which no one likes let's be real and when this happens i don't know if i'm like making up an effect usually a response happens so because the spotlight is put on this person and because everyone it seems like or from your viewpoint is patting them on the back or supporting them now you feel like there's like an unjust like power take you know what i mean people feel like this person is now um better than them and they've viewed on society of like i say this this is so fucked up and just let you know if you listen to this song it's a very impactful song but i don't want anyone to listen to this song unless they know it's probably going to trigger you or it traumatize you it's not really a good song to watch unless you know that it's it's very aggressive um and that's an analogy of what i like to think of is i think it's by i'm not gonna say what it's by because but it's uh it's the i'm not racist song which this is what i feel like is the the issue is i feel like if you if you've listened to that song you don't have to listen to that song um if you've listened to that song There's two parts. And the first part is one perspective. And the second part is the second perspective of a Black person. And I feel like most people are only hearing the second perspective. They're not hearing the first one. It's like you're hearing the second half of a conversation continuously. And it's warping your view on a person and making you lash out or view this person in a really fucked up way that shouldn't be happening. And a lot of that happens because of this. And it's like, okay, so me supporting someone that I feel like is getting hate is actually making it worse for them? Like, me actually going up and being like, okay, I'm here for you is actually making this person's life worse. So then it's just like, okay, so what do you do in that situation? Because you don't say anything, and now this person feels like no one cares on what they're going through. They feel invalidated, like their experience didn't actually matter. Versus you go and support them, and now people are lashing out on them because they feel like there's an unfair balance in power. And I don't know if this is like a lose-lose situation, which feels like it. Because I'm not sure what you're supposed to do in here. I don't know what situation... I don't see any win out of this. Other than people being able to be more secure in themselves. But I don't know. It's a huge thing to ask for. It's not even... People have insecurities with the level of like, oh... I'm insecure to the point that I'm going to lash out is usually the danger zone that people avoid. And that's why, as we've discussed before, is why people don't feel like they have the space to even come and communicate that with you in the first place. And we're like, what do we do? We're stuck in a situation where I'm literally like, what do we do? Whose responsibility is this to do this? And some people, some people I feel like do have the position of like, okay, this doesn't affect me. Why do I care? And obviously that person has trouble with empathy. And I feel like the biggest people, the biggest time when someone has an issue or is having a hard time understanding or understanding why you should care about a person i feel like that's when people tend to reverse situations as we've heard before of people literally trying to put you in the same situation they're in so that you can understand where they're coming from um i obviously i agree with it and i disagree with it but it's obviously how some people go about doing it Some people, the point that they're trying to prove is really not a point that they should be going for. And there's so many things that can just be the downfall. But there are, in my opinion, definitely times when it is warranted and needed. And it's like people aren't children. So it's so hard to be like, we're going to fucking Robin Hood this and be the law. an order of our own town because there's no consequences for things like this there's no there's nothing going to change it it's you have to deal with it or accept it and we're not technically responsible for other people like they're not our children but we're we're living in this world and if we want our the world that we're living in to be a better world then i feel like we do have to do what we need to do to make it better And that's why I use the term flowers, which is, you see, this is the problem, and you're going to have to do a solution that is very hard for you, but is the necessary thing for you to do. And whenever I hear someone being like, okay, like, they don't understand if they're being guilted, they don't understand if it's the right thing to do, they don't know. If what they're doing is a selfish decision or if it's something... They don't know if they're being the bad guy is the point I'm trying to make. And the thing I always say is I always try to think of like, is this thing something that is needed? Like, is this something that is actually... Oh man, I don't want this. Is this something that is... the right thing to do or is this something that is just hard for you to do because i feel like there's there's there's there's levels of hardness right there's things of just like okay this is kind of hard but it's tough right but i can do it it's uncomfortable but it's possible and then there's levels of like I can't, this is literally impossible. This is, I can't maintain this. I can't tolerate this. This is not going to happen level of hard. And I don't know. I went on a tangent. I just lost how I went. But I feel like when it's the right thing to do, at least for me, it's always the thing to do no matter what. And sometimes that looks different for other people. Sometimes that looks of, oh, I can't pour into this person if I'm pouring from an empty glass. Which basically means of, I can't take care of this person if I'm not taking care of myself. And that's not saying that you shouldn't care about other people and you should only care about yourself. And should live in a level of hyper-independence. I'm not saying that. But I'm saying if you're taking... You're giving away every little thing you have to the point that you have nothing left for yourself personally. You have no identity personally. That is not healthy for anyone. That is not healthy to absorb, to literally put yourself into something else 100% completely when there's nothing, there's no room left for yourself. And for some people, they're able to do that. with being left for themselves. Like, it's not taking away anything for them at all. But I feel like a lot of people struggle with that, um, that line of how, how much do I save for myself? Like, how much is it okay? some people who are uncomfortable with having energy left from this love like they must give away everything possibly that they can because if they don't then they're too selfish and obviously that's unhealthy too and it's obviously come from a trauma-filled life of hyper independence and not being feeling like you can rely on anyone or having relied on people and then them literally throwing it in your face or dangling it or treating you like shit Forming you into becoming hyper independent. One of the things that I'm passionate about. Not passionate about. An issue that really bothers me. Mainly because it's always. Like the number one key in victim blaming. In victim blaming on anything. Is a red hot button. That like. Obviously. It's like intentionally triggering someone. It's never. It's just fucked up. Sorry. And I feel like what I'm talking about is always like the go-to response for blaming someone for someone else's behavior, which I hate. And people, I feel like what I'm talking about is basically people's bodies, whatever shape, size, or whatever that could be, and the treatment that it gets based on whatever you choose, right? And my thing is, is there's always a reason to shit on someone. Pardon my French. But there's literally always a reason to treat someone horribly. And you're always, the excuse that is given is that, but you're choosing this and you can change it. And I'm like, but you're changing it into another struggle. I'm going from like, you guys degrading on me because I'm too bony and I have no ass. to you guys degrading on me because I'm fat and I do have an ass to going, oh god, now her body actually makes me feel insecure. Let me lash out on her. Like, there's no happy middle ground. You're, you're as much, I feel like Taylor's someone did, I'm not gonna name, someone did this infamous video. Which was literally talking about how all the different body sizes of, um, I think if you know this video, you know this video. It's basically on the fact that you have to choose your struggle, no matter what you choose, or it's probably not intentional all the time. Whatever your body type is, you're still going to have a struggle, and I feel like people don't realize that. And they think, okay. I've been plus size and overweight my whole youth. I'm going to get into a perfect body and I'm going to have no issues anymore. And you're like, but you're still going to have issues. It's going to be different issues now, probably on the same level. You might be very confident in your body. You might hate yourself and you might not hate yourself, but the world is going to make you hate yourself. Like literally there's no happy middle ground. for people's bodies. There's nothing, there's nothing you can do with your body for people who are going to keep their mouth shut about it. There is literally nothing you can do, other than try to get to a point, which is the hardest thing in the world, where whatever this person says to me is not going to change how I view myself. And getting to that point is probably the biggest struggle you can get. And it's not saying that They're saying this shit to you and it doesn't hurt you and it doesn't make you want to cry. It's saying when they say this stuff to you, it's not going to change how you view yourself. They're not going to make you believe whatever shit they're spewing out of their mouth. It's not going to make you think to home. And when people are very vulnerable and they're very easy to manipulate, that's when they're at the prime to literally like turn into putty for whatever someone wants to do to them. I feel like there's so many young people that are literally losing their identities and losing how they view themselves based on what Joe Flo has to say about how they view you. Which may not even be true, by the way. But it's still what you're going to sink in and take from home and think about ten years down the line about why this person said this blah blah blah about you and now you have a complex. There's so many... issues of like okay the thing we have to be able to do here is we have to be able to become secure how do we do that how do we love ourselves when the whole world is telling us that we're a piece of shit and that we shouldn't love ourselves and that there's something wrong with us how do you get to that point i feel like that's the hardest thing is how to get to that point healthily because i feel like the way i had the way i went to self-acceptance acceptance wasn't necessarily the best journey ever i went through very um unhealthy body image issues and it created I would say a complex in me like I feel like there's a point of like okay I'm I'm not necessarily happy how I look I don't feel the healthiest but maybe I'm aesthetically pleasing and that's that's the goal that we were going on based on society And I feel like when you reach that point on whenever society is literally like, okay, you're aesthetically pleasing, you're reaching that point of like, okay, so they are telling me that I'm good. They are telling me that I'm better. They're the ones that are actually building up my confidence, even if it's not the healthiest thing and it's not something that should be done. It's, it's like an addiction of like, oh, someone tells you. You're horrible. And then someone, when you do this one specific thing, they love you. So you keep doing that one specific thing because you need someone to say that they love you. And I feel like getting people to do that is such a hard thing because not being able to love yourself in a healthy way is, is a task that is, I would say like almost impossible. Being able to be like. Oh, if you're a person that's literally being able to just cancel out all the outside noise automatically, I applaud you. And I wish I was you. Because it took me way too long to get to a point of going through, oh, I hate myself. Oh, I'm going to change myself for society. Oh, I still hate myself. Oh, I guess I got to change myself for me now. And during the whole journey of... whatever your body looks like the the biggest lesson that I will say as much as yes currently right now I want my body to look a certain way but I feel like what has changed is how I'm willing to go across to get that done I feel like I'm not willing to do things that I was willing to do at an earlier point because I had very low self-worth and I feel like getting people to a point where they're just like no i'm gonna take the long route i'm gonna take the healthy route this way is really hard and it's really hard for and i'm not shaming people who have done it the other way but i feel like the only way for people to do that is if all the outside noise stops which is not going to happen so i i'm I'm not shaming people for going unhealthy routes. I'm not advising it. I actively try to not participate in that if possible. I know early on I have definitely fell into the trap of things that I should not be doing. And I think I still do it to this day. Especially when you're supposed to be... an influence on people around you and you don't want to force people to give into peer pressure that is something that is not good for them and i feel like that is something that we are all responsible for and if at all times we've up before and i mean one time i'm not gonna name names but this person literally um let me just say they called me fat on their snapchat like so long ago and at this time let me just say was probably the best body that i've ever had in my life never it hap lasted for like six six months probably and let me say this because i'm the only reason i feel good saying that is because what my body would have been through of me being at a healthy point but hating myself to destroying my body to going to unhealthy point to love myself to being able to the journey of like oh i need to make myself my body healthy again and i'm still going to love myself which is the hardest thing ever like oh my god so i feel like when this happened i got insanely triggered which i i hate people everyone knows and that's the that's the level of hard when i would say impossible and literally makes you feel like you're fucking drowning. My response is not the healthiest response, because I just friendly shared a meme that was shared earlier, which was just demonstrating all the body types and what they look like naked. And my, the purpose of it was to literally be like, okay, if you're going to shame this body type, I'm going to shame your body type. I didn't want to point someone out. and I didn't want to do it specifically and looking back it is the most childish shit I've ever heard of because it's not even like you're taking it off on one person you're you're representation for women everywhere and how women view their body and when you're gonna be a part of that conversation to make what people in general hate themselves I'm not for it and the fact that even I someone who's always been in that area has literally like perpetrated onto other people is not fun for me but I feel like we grow we all make mistakes we realize how childish and not freaking insightful at all we were and we hopefully change and mature but I feel like we're still responsible for how people look and view and try to view themselves and I feel like a lot of people especially if they make mistakes they try to take away distance themselves and say and try to put the blame on them which is this is not my fault this is their fault because they're not blah blah blah blah but i feel like it's a two-way street i feel like we all we have to be responsible for ourselves no duh but i feel like we're always we have to take care of everyone else like as much as people literally have to be govern to be told to care about someone dying in front of you that should be that should be something that is literally like you don't even freaking think about that's not that should be something that is like not even discussed but it's still an issue like oh i went on a tangent i feel like uh that's so many times when i hear people talk about like but i don't want to talk about politics and I'm just like what is your definition of politics and why do you think people are telling you not to talk about it like you were people are messing with actual humans lives and then being like okay but you're still gonna wanna hang around me right no you were literally people are destroying people's lives people are not caring about humanity and then they're acting like okay This is no big deal, right? This is something that is normal. This is something that's your issue. No, this is a community that we live in. This is a country that we live in. This isn't an island that you bought that you can do whatever the hell you want to. These are people that we're supposed to look after. And it's so ridiculous to me. There's still, like, the bigger issues to, like, the little issues of, like... If you told someone that, I don't know, I feel like I've talked about tipping before. Here's how I honestly, honestly feel about it. I feel like we have this, there's this, I don't know if anyone has seen Adam Rune Everything. It's something, I don't know what channel it used to air on, but I love the show. It was, it was amazing. One of the episodes, he discussed tipping. And it literally changed how I view people, how they should tip. And it's basically the fact that we can't change the way that the system is set up, and the system is incredibly screwed right now. The fact that if we don't do it, these people are not getting a need met that is caused by something that is completely ridiculous, but is currently our responsibility to fix. And I feel like people are so uncomfortable with that because they're just like, but I want you to provide a service that I think is worth this money. End of question. But I feel like that's just not the world we live in. And I feel like if people have to realize, yes, there's like three categories or like four, two categories. There's a lot of categories. One of them being the group of people who are not able to work. And then you have the group of people who are able to work, but have to work at a job that is literally treating them... lower than a freaking servant and then you have the people that actually have the opportunity to have a career have a life and decide on whatever which whatever direction you have it doesn't mean that all these three people are not hard working it doesn't mean that one of these person is better than the other all it means is all these people started at a different point in life all these people have different levels of what they're able to do and we shouldn't be able to judge someone because you got the opportunity to do something that someone is never ever going to be able to do and in my head if i am the one that got an opportunity that i have to work at that someone is never going to get i would i would be the person to be like okay that's what equality is if if If literally someone made our world so screwed and so unbalanced, why don't we be the person to balance it out? Why don't we make this an actually fair? So yes, everyone has to work the same effort, but everyone gets the same opportunities. That just because someone has a different background, a different IQ, a different disability, a different set of skills, doesn't mean they don't deserve the same chance to work for the same thing that people do. And I feel like it disappears when people are just like, I worked for this, I can do whatever I wanted. Yes, yes, you worked for this. No one's disagreeing on whatever you had to do to get that. No one's disagreeing on if it even deserved for what you got that for. It's not even a conversation on to be happening. But what shouldn't be happening is taking away the opportunity for people to to do the exact same thing that you're doing. And I feel like people forget what a privilege that is. And that's such a taboo world in our society, and a lot of people hate acknowledging that. And it's not fun sitting in front of someone and basically being told in your face, is what people are hearing, that your issues don't matter. That's what basically people hear when they hear privilege. Is that your issues are not important, you're not struggling hard enough. And that's obviously not, that doesn't, that shouldn't be happening. Like, if someone is literally, like, has a freaking wound, huge gushing wound in front of you, and you have some sort of internal issues going on, when you're like, okay, but no one's gonna care about me. Should that be happening right in front of this person? Is this the time that we should take and try to be like, okay, but no one cares about me? Because, yes, I think everyone should get this fair chance, but it's literally, it's feeling like, it's only feeling like a power is getting taken away from you, but it's not. You're only seeing one side of a story that is not being shown to you. And because it's not being shown to you, you have a very skewed viewpoint on how our- our society should be run and I feel like that's why people have such a bad relationship with privilege is not even if even if someone is getting more opportunities than you there's ways that we can balance that out it doesn't have to be the end of all if someone is calling you privileged how about we create an environment where we can make it equal and someone we can feel that need that is desperately needing to be filled and I'm not saying that the other person we don't care about we don't care about how they feel because it's not rational therefore we're it doesn't matter no I feel like it's it's time and place and I one of the the examples that I bring up is like let's just say you have a crush on someone and you've had a crush on someone for like 30 years and you want to tell that person to stop seeing the person they're seeing you can want that and that feeling you have is normal and there is nothing wrong with you for having that but to impose that onto another person and to be like uh i feel this way So now you have to stop seeing people because I feel this way. That's when I feel like it gets disrespectful. Because I'm just like, we're not in that position to be able to say that. I think we all have enough privilege where we can experience that or been in the opposite position where we can put ourselves in that shoes and be like, that's not, it's not our place to say this to the person. It's not our place to dictate them to do things. They could care enough and let's say they're our friend. and they actually they they want to help you feel better they may actually do things to to make it easier for you that that might be something that's going to be done but it shouldn't be something that i feel like that's not our place i personally i feel like it's so disrespectful of someone in need someone in a struggle i feel like it's not the time and place and people have obviously can have different opinions with me and When it's something that is, when white people say don't talk about politics is because it's a triggering topic. And when people are talking about something that's going to trigger such intense emotions, it's very, it's hard for people to be, it's hard for people to, you know, people can be controlled. So as much as I want to say, yes, you can have whatever opinion you have and you're route to it, I'm probably going to get people riled up from what I'm saying right now. And there's just nothing you can do about it. There's people that would be like, okay, let's not talk about it. But if we don't talk about it, it's never going to change. And I've definitely been in that position of like, I don't want to think about it. I don't want to process this right now or I can't process this right now. And so I'm going to talk about something else. And I feel like we all know that's not healthy and it's not something where we should be living for the longest time. Um, and it's just different for everyone. I don't know. I went on like 20 different tangents, but that's just how I feel. And, um, I don't know. I feel like that's just, that's just how I'm going to hit that there. Okay. I'm trying to think if there's Anything else that I can talk to you guys about aimlessly. This is like a really long distance phone call. So I feel like that's everything I wanted to cover. I'm thinking of talking more about like serious. I know I talk about some stuff that is very serious. But I was thinking about talking about like current news. Like things that are going on in our world right now. I don't know, because I didn't want to become, like, literally, like, a news channel. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I don't, I didn't, the podcast was supposed to be, like, something, like, the one serious thing where I discuss any topic that popped in my head, which was usually something that is not, is usually something serious. And so I have my other channels, my other forms of media that are usually more weirder or funnier or sillier. But I wanted this place for to talk about the things that actually mattered to me. And so if people were literally like, I don't want to hear this really serious conversation right now. They don't have to listen to the podcast. But I was literally I was thinking of trying to bring it even more modern, just current affairs. There's a couple of series, one shot videos. And. just video series on my youtube channel that i wanted to start but i've just been thinking of and i've just been trying to think on um when i want to film it and how i want to get it up because i want to be consistent and i want it to be good and i want it to be um frequent and that's hard so i'm going to try to figure that out i'm really excited to get back the to be to get back on the vlogs for you um Hopefully you'll see some more people in it. I don't know. Maybe we'll see. I don't know. It will definitely be something. I'll see you guys next week. I know. All my links will be down below if you're on YouTube or you can go to YouTube and get the links. I'm sure you'll be able to find the links. I'll see you later. Bye!
