Speaker #0hello hello hello and welcome back to um i still don't have a good intro i'm sorry that's my bad we're back again with another podcast i know you've all been desperately waiting for this so today i thought i didn't plan that much again this one is literally uh i thought I would take a little bit step back from the heavy explicit sexual content featured in the last podcast and go a little bit um lighter I don't know uh I feel like this one's just gonna be about love and relationship which makes me sound like a you know this is like a one of those magazines but I don't know I felt like this was the week to to explore love and relationships as well so we're gonna answer these questions um i did not really even screen them or look at them so there's some i might skip and we might not even get to them but i just wanted to acknowledge that um the first one which is how do you know when you love someone that one's like such a It's such a major question to me. Oh, that's so hard. Because I feel like there's stages. So I feel like there's a lot of feelings that feel close to love. That people get confused with love. But I don't know. I feel like it's when you, I don't know. I guess I would classify it as when you care about someone's needs. as like the same maybe the same if not more as yours that's what i would classify love i don't know it's not like it's not saying that like you're the one that's like fixing it it just literally means like oh you care about this person maybe the same if not more than yourself that's a very baseline that i'm giving you i've never really thought about this i don't know what i would classify love because it's not so much of like oh you do this formula xyz it's more of a feeling that happens so i feel like when you feel the feeling this uh i guess it's like asking me like how do you know when you have an orgasm it's i don't know how to explain this one but i feel like that's that's that's all i got i'm so sorry it was struggling here do you think that if you love someone you'll always love someone or do you think it will fade away with the time that one i so here's i think there's just two definitions right so there's you love someone and i feel like love can be used for family members it could be used for friends it can use be used for romantic relationships but i feel like there you can be love someone this is literally like you care about them right but then there's like oh i'm in love with someone and i feel like you're once you love someone you're always going to love them but i feel like um i'm losing my train of thought i feel like if you fall out of love with someone or fall into love with someone it's a little bit different than just loving them and i feel like yes you can fall out of love with people but still love them i don't know for me it's really hard it's like really hard um these are so deep i like this one which is do you believe in love at first sight i believe in like if we're talking about you literally just seeing someone i believe in lust at first sight like obviously you have to be attracted to someone to like want to be with them not talking about being like oh my god this person is more attractive like but you have to like obviously want to like have sex with them when you've reached that point um then i feel like it's about learning about who this person is and how you guys interact and click together but i feel like yeah i don't know i don't believe in love at first sight i feel like maybe with the whole online age. because you can basically get like a summary of a person um i'm at loss for words here i don't know i feel like maybe online i could see that happening especially for like a prolonged time but i feel like if you're like just wandering in like a park or something and you see someone i don't think that's love that's probably just like you're intrigued i don't know i i guess i will say my final uh is yes i do believe i do believe in it Should love always feel comfortable or should love always feel in the rain? new and exciting alf oh i guess this depends on what relationship you're in right uh i feel like it's the it depends on the person like there's like there's a type of person that gets like very like the extroverted person that they always need to be doing something and i feel like them just sitting around and not doing anything it's like dread and then there's the other person that like dreads doing things so i i feel like you could find a balance but it depends on your relationship and also the point in your relationship like i feel like even if you guys are like outgoing people at a certain point that's gonna get like dull because you're doing it all the time i don't know i feel like it's still gonna be fun but i feel like maybe a balance would be better of like oh we're gonna try some new stuff to get us out of our comfort zone but we're still gonna be comfortable as sometimes comfortable sometimes i guess that that would be my verdict um is romantic love the most important love at all love all of all oh i feel like that's like your number one priority correct me if i'm wrong at least for me like but i feel like not everyone has has romantic love and i feel like with priorities you'd be like okay so this is the person that i'm like mainly concerned with this is the person that i'm like this is my priority it doesn't mean that like they don't care about all the other people in their life it's just like this is what i'm concerned about right now which is hard because i feel like a lot of people when people get into relationships especially new relationships they feel like they are abandoning like everyone for this person so i don't know i feel like um i feel like yes i feel like it is the most important one obviously you have children i feel like that that's the most important one honestly i feel like your kids go above your partner i don't have kids so i wouldn't know what do you think make makes people fall out of love i think a big one would be betrayal and it obviously changes on who that is but i feel like there's certain even with that you could still be in love but it really i feel like it's depending on the person's boundary on when they've been like okay this is this is no longer fixable and also like what is your relationship are you married because like i feel like if you're married you're gonna try a lot harder to to try to fix what took you so long to build. versus if it's a newer relationship i feel like people are are more okay to be like okay let's just throw in the towel and start over because it didn't take us this long to do this versus when people put in so much effort and they've put up so much time like it's like okay that's all not for nothing we're going to fix this i made a commitment so i feel like i feel like it depends i i honestly feel like people can fall out of love and back into love but it depends on when like if you're just dating for like i don't know like two months and then i don't know i i can see people literally just separating completely and never even getting a chance to to work on that i can see that but i i think think it's possible i i think um but i think betrayal is the the number one thing on any line anything where you're like okay i made these commitments i agreed to view our relationship in this way and then something got skewed horribly or people have identity issues or people have things that they didn't accomplish and they put all their you know there's so many things of like oh i've put myself in this relationship a hundred percent and there's literally nothing for me out of it and then you're like okay Maybe I need to take a step back. There's so many things. There's so many things I feel like could be. I don't think it's just going to be like, oh, I woke up on a Tuesday and I don't love you. I don't think that's going to happen but uh what constitutes cheating slash unfaithfulness for you oh this is a big one okay so there's that's what i feel like there's a difference so there's a difference of like okay i feel betrayed versus they have violated a boundary that has been laid down which obviously i think one is worse but they both like you you feel that you still feel the same let's let's get real here so i feel like when you feel betrayed because you love someone and maybe they're showing affection to someone else when they shouldn't be and you're just like what the freak i feel like that's on the level of like betrayal but i i don't think that would be considered like let's get into semantics i don't think that would be like considered like actually cheating i think that would just be like okay you feel betrayed by someone that you love which is obviously valid and some people i wouldn't even want to go anywhere after that but um i feel like when you're cheating is like okay we laid down the rules these are the boundaries you violated the law i feel like that one's a little bit a little bit different and then like what constitutes both of that like some people would say talking to someone. Because you feel betrayed. So because you feel betrayed, then it's cheating. Which I feel like it's 100% valid to feel however you want to feel. But I feel like people need to communicate. Because I feel like if you feel like, oh, this person talking. Which is hard. Let me get real. But I feel like this person is talking to someone. Or maybe you perceive it as flirting. Or maybe they are flirting. Because that's just how they talk to people. Or maybe they're trying to get this person to have sex. there's so many possibilities on what could be happening um i feel like that that you have to have a conversation with yourself and you have to have a conversation with hopefully you're in a place where you can do that in that relationship to be like okay this is how i feel um my feelings you don't have to say this you could but your feelings are valid just because maybe they're not And... justified you are completely normal to have to feel this way and if hopefully you're in a relationship where someone has to open the space enough for you to be like okay this is what i'm this is my issue this is what i'm feeling and hopefully they'll meet you halfway and be like okay maybe we can help you so you don't have to feel like this like i feel like there's there's ways to do it. But there's always, like, the clear stuff. Like, if you walk around and your girlfriend is literally making out with someone at a party, like, that's pretty clear cheating. Like, and here's who's to say what gets done after that. But obviously, it depends on what relationship we're in. Blah, blah, blah, poly, open. Like, there's so many different possibilities on... what you could be and people are still going to feel betrayed and people are still going to have issues communicating that they're feeling betrayed and so i feel like you can either play it safe or you can have a conversation or you can just be the wild card but who knows and that i guess that would be my definition of cheating um how long do you think it takes before you know you love someone before you know you love someone or before you love someone like i feel like before you uh i feel like you're gonna know you're you're gonna feel the feeling and you're gonna know you love someone and let's just say like the test i would usually say is any amount of betrayal that you do feel you're gonna feel times a million because of how deeply your feelings are it's obviously gonna hurt if someone does it randomly to you but when it when it when it's someone that you actually care about and someone that you love it's gonna really hurt you so i feel like when you realize obviously that's not the test like waiting for someone to betray you so you're like oh my god i love this person i i think um i think the question is like how long until you love the person and i usually i think what i would say is when you're comfortable with someone And then you finally, like, you see almost, like, you can connect with someone. Like, I feel like, um... obviously not every person you meet you're gonna love so i feel like there's a difference of like okay i'm friends with this person versus i'm in love with this person so i'm like i don't know how to explain the feeling but i feel like if a person has felt it in their life they're gonna recognize the feeling when they feel it i feel like i feel like the problem is not usually recognizing it i feel like it's expressing that feeling especially because like let's be real 80% of relationships are not going to give you the space to say that. They're not even going to make it comfortable for you to say that. So people are probably not going to say that. So I don't know. That's my take on it. Do you believe love changes you? Oh, wholeheartedly. Like, oh my god. I feel like when... when people are in love that i feel like you almost at least for me maybe i'm like my intent my emotions are way too intense but it's almost like your own self becomes non-existent whereas not you're you're thinking about yourself and you want yourself to be good but you're like your number one priority and your number one concern is this other person in your life like i feel like That's the defining moment of like, oh, my goal is to make this person happy. My goal is to be around this person. My goal is to help this person succeed. My goal is blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I feel like when you do that, you absorb so much of the person that you love. So I feel like the bad habits that maybe you tolerate that they shouldn't be doing. you put up with and i think you not even just put up with you become and a lot of i feel like a lot of it you don't notice because you're in that love bubble where it doesn't hurt you because it's because you're in love with the person which is an amazing it's amazing thing i'm not trying to discount on it but there are times when i have to check myself and i'm like okay wait Is this actually what I should be doing or am I just like losing track because I care about this person so much? Which is not necessarily a bad thing because I feel like when you think of I have that conversation of like, oh, what is it going to be like when you when you when you're at the end of your life? What are you going to think? Are you going to think that you're obviously going to think you had more experiences? Are you what are you going to want out of life? are you gonna wish that you spent 99% of your time i was gonna go there people usually do you want to spend 99% of your time at your job but i'm like most of the time let's be real people do that for people that they love they're doing it for their family they're doing it for themselves they're they're doing it not always necessarily there are the few people who actually love what they're doing which kudos Peace. but i feel like um i feel like love for me when i look at like how when i want to look at my life it's going to be about my family it's going to be about the people that i care about it's not going to be about all this other stuff that seems so important now and it's going to continue to feel so important but at the end of the line is is literally going to be like so like minuscule like it's going to be the smallest It's the smallest thing ever. But right now, we know we don't feel like that. So I feel like, yeah, it's a long way off-hearted of saying, I feel like we actually become our partners in long-term relationships. And our partners change us for the better. But who knows? Is forever something you think about with your lover? that word is so i like it but it's like i feel like i can't pull it off like i feel like it's not a word that i could just like flow out of my mouth but um i feel like that's something that norm not normal i hate that i feel like that's some that's something that people normally think but they're so afraid to express because they're like okay if i'm too much up front that i'm gonna scare this person away and you're never going to actually have anything real with them which is a valid fear to have But I feel like with almost anything, if you don't take a risk, you're not going to get anything. It's so scary. It's so scary to be like, oh, I'm going to take this jump and hope it doesn't ruin everything. But I feel like it's the bravest thing ever. And I feel like, I don't know. I'm not the person that, even if I'm never going to be the person that. thinks that's that's too much or that's too early but that's just me and i can't just say that to people on the internet because then they're gonna say it they're gonna express themselves to someone and be like but you told me and i'm like i'm sorry i didn't know they were gonna shut you down like that but i feel like it you need to have the define the relationship talk early on if you have those feelings if you're having such intense feelings that you're like oh i love i'm in love with the person that i'm sleeping with you have to have that talk that conversation because you're gonna end up in a situation when they're not gonna feel the same and then you're gonna end up in like an unrequited love situation which freaking sucks and you're like so already developed into a relationship with them like it's not gonna be good for you the like honestly if you're in that state the best thing is to have that conversation and if they get maybe if they give you like the wishy-washy of like oh i don't know give it some time but if they're straight up like oh i don't see you that way i just want to use you as a f buddy it would probably be the best decision to get out of dodge because i mean sex with someone if you're in love with someone or they don't feel the same i feel like it's the recipe for disaster Like maybe it's just. um do you think the way your family lives has affected the way you love oh definitely i'm so fucked up in my head i have like major abandonment issues where i'm just like okay i'm not gonna go for it because everything's gonna get like lost it's you know it's a big risk to go for and then you're wholeheartedly depending on someone and hoping that they don't leave you. which is my disaster it's like it's literally my nightmare of like oh i just i just i'm describing abandonment issues i have major issues i also have like a skewed relationship i've never seen like a healthy form of love i've never even seen like love in my face growing up as a child so like i feel like the only real thing i have is like how i've seen like people wonder life or people on tv but i'm just like it's not necessarily on what a healthy um relationship should be and then when i think of that i'm just like there's so many levels of like okay is this healthy or is this just not normal like is this just not something that is done in society i'm going on a tangent um do you think people should change themselves to find love okay so i'm not i don't think people should change themselves change themselves to find love but i feel like they're going to i feel like no matter what you say i'm like oh love yourself wait for someone to love who you truly are it's not gonna happen because once you actually have that feeling like everything's gonna be like okay what am i gonna be able what what do i have to do to get with this person you know what i mean like you're gonna be thinking in your head of i don't think it's possible to say oh just don't do it i don't think that's gonna happen so i feel like the best thing is for me to say don't change yourself be who you are and someone will love you yeah that's definitely i don't know do what you want honestly um it's just people don't like people don't want people to be hurt people don't want you to destroy yourself for someone that doesn't even actually care about you so that's the tricky situation with stuff like that is even when you care about someone wholeheartedly and they don't feel the same you can end up in situations where you it's really not good for you so i would say try to avoid that but who knows maybe it's through Prince Charming. Um. do you believe you can be friends with someone you've loved in the past yes if you're not in love with them i feel like you have to have like a also depending on relationship you're on right if you're in an open relationship or if you're in a poly relationship i feel like it's a different matter but if you're in like exclusive committed we're together with just two of us for the rest of your life i feel like it's disrespectful and it's um it's operation it's like it's the recipe for disaster but i feel like if you're not in love with someone and you just love them in your past i think it's fine i feel like someone's probably gonna say stuff when they get mad but everyone's gonna say stuff when they get mad it's just probably gonna be more loaded um i'm sorry this is a really boring podcast what do you think is the most important part of a romantic relationship this is tricky i guess i would say intimacy i think that covers like a lot of different grounds i feel like i'm i'm such a different type of person where i'm i'm not gonna be like and i know it's ingrained in a lot of people in society i'd be like i have to provide for this person i have to do this and i'm gonna feel like i'm not like who i'm supposed to be if i don't provide for this person but i'm such a person where i'm like obviously it's not gonna like it i'm trying to be very specific it's not a priority for me like it's not like something that i wasn't raised to be like oh i need a prince charming i need someone to save me it's not something that i'm like oh fuck you that's that's weird but it's it's like not a priority it's like if i was like shopping for a person it would not be something that i put into the search bar at all like my thing would be like a hundred percent of which is so harder for me like i don't want to say emotional connection but it's just i'm i'm so much more on my emotional needs being met i'm such a needy person like oh my god but i'm just trying to say like that that would be my priority like if if i felt like uh my whatever like our intimacy was lacking i feel like that would be like my oh my god i might have to consider depending on what part you're like a 20-year marriage can you get a rough draft if i'm just like i don't know time to call it quits she has not touched me in two days that would be horrible But I'm just saying, like, if I was with someone and we were, like, destitute, living on, like, you know, a small studio apartment off of Top Ramen for weeks, I wouldn't be like, okay, I gotta get out of this. I would be, I gotta get out of this if I felt like my emotional needs were being neglected to a point where our relationship probably wouldn't survive. That would be the, like, that's so loud. That would be my concern. But I feel like, yeah, I feel like I would be able to hopefully if I was at that point, I would be able to communicate that I wouldn't be like, oh, peace gone. It would have been an escalation of like, OK, this is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm so because I'll have an intense emotion of like, I'm so mad at this person, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then literally like I'll go to sleep and I'll wake up and I'm not mad. And I'll have to think, I'm like, but Kamara, they actually did something fucked up. You have to be mad. And I'll have to like try to get myself to be mad and be like, okay, they actually did you, they did something wrong here. You need to be mad and get mad. But I can't get mad. So it's, it's, I think I put up a, I don't want to say I put up with a lot more than what someone normally would. Here's what I'll say. if I took myself and I put it in like my kids like it was my daughter and i'm looking at her relationship i would probably i would probably say that's probably not the best thing to do but like in myself i'm like oh it's not hurting me i don't care like i'm in such a such a love bubble that it does not it's just so crazy um um this is the it literally just answered this what's more important physical or emotional i think emotional but i feel like physical is extremely important like i feel like so many people are like i feel like the attributes you know what i mean where people like you gotta have big ass big tits big dick uh tight vagina you know nice hit you know just describing i feel like that's not important but like finding a relationship where you can both be like physically satisfied i feel like that's a hundred percent a priority a hundred percent like i feel like if you don't that i feel like that's such a major one and it's again we've talked about this it's such a hard conversation to like bring up without hurting someone's ego i'd be like okay this is you know what i mean it's it's so hard so if like when you're in a in a space where you can both be physically satisfied and emotionally satisfied i feel like i don't know i feel like that's all that matters obviously you both you have to be alive so that is very important but it's uh i don't know it's not like the end of all um what makes a relationship healthy you should not ask me i feel like i have the most unrelationship i have the most unhealthy relationship standards known to man and i feel like if i preach them i'm just like i don't know asking people to be like i don't know i don't want to give people bad advice so i guess what i would say if i'm actually being realistic It's probably not what I do. Like, I don't think it's healthy to probably put yourself like 900% in a relationship and have no identity, but that's not what I do. So it's so hard. I don't want to be a hypocrite and be like, you have to have your own identity in a relationship when I don't. So I guess I would consider that healthy, but I feel like it's such a need for me that I'm just like. oh you have to find the balance i don't know i don't know if it's healthy or not um what do you think is the most important factor of keeping love alive in the relationship oh that one's hard i feel like i grave i agreed on a curve so i feel like depending on the person i feel like i'll give the i'll give a lot more lenience on what is like Ugh. on what um i don't know i don't know i'm going with this but i feel like i don't want to say standards that's a eek but i feel like what i would want in a relationship so i feel like depending on what i know your partner can like give to you i feel like i would be like oh i don't think you would need like a letter like okay i need like 10 handwritten notes a week like i don't think there's anything like that i just feel like finding a place where you guys can have open healthy communication is always the best if possible because i feel like especially if you're in a person if you're with a person like me people's minds like wander when uh you're not when you're not able to communicate so you're literally thinking of like oh it could be this well it could be that or it could be this or it could be that and you just had like a nice conversation but then you analyzed it in your head for like three days and now you're mad at someone like that's how i operate because i overthink so much but i feel like obviously the solution is to communicate but especially when you're it's not always necessarily easy to do that so i feel like finding a way to survive while being at that point i don't know it's possible it's hard I don't know if I'm making sense here. What would you constitute a good date? I feel like this is my question, like my answer for everything. I'm like, oh, it depends on the person. I'm so annoyed. But it depends on the person. So I feel like if it's depending on, okay, here, I'll go depending on the date. So if it's like your first date, I feel like the need would be like 100% intimate. So obviously, I feel like privacy is like the goal. But I feel like if it's like your 20th date, I don't think that cares. I don't think that matters. But if it's your first couple of dates, I feel like you need to connect without any outside interference. When you're like so early on because... anything is gonna make it fucking crash and if you're me it takes you so long to get comfortable with people maybe that's just me so i feel like that like if it was like a like one of the first couple of dates i feel like it would it would have to be something private uh but if i feel like if it's casual who knows if you're asking someone out at a date like it's intended to be like okay this is the person like i want to marry someday but i feel like if you're i don't know i feel like the date is the very specific of like oh i'm intending to pursue this person romantically i feel like it'd be really weird to ask someone on date and be like okay yeah i just want to be here just want to around here which is fine but i i don't i don't think i would consider that a date maybe we can consider it a date like like an appointment that sounds like you're getting paid which again i'm not judging besides that like what would i consider a good date um i don't know honestly i'm good with like a good like netflix and chill i feel like um i feel like you need to just like the dinner and a netflix and chill combined is like perfect i feel like what would come first i feel like you need to have a dinner first right so like you could sit down and you can be intimate you guys can talk which is so fun but like it's not like oh you're talking at a screen you're like you forced you're forced to talk to each other uh directly i feel like that would be the good environment and then after a netflix and chill situation where like if someone is feeling it you can go there and if not good night kiss and goodbye which i feel like there's the judgment of like oh someone hooked up on the first date right that's gone right no one has that like the whole rule of like oh you can't have you can't have sex with someone until you've been on like three dates or whatever right i don't think that exists anymore i feel like i don't even think i'm gonna be real i don't think dates exist anymore like i don't think people court people honestly like in my experience and i don't have a lot i would say that people start usually dating casually and then once they not that i'm laughing this whole time i'm not laughing at any of this i'm just fucking i'm weird i'm sorry but i feel like people start dating casually and then after they start dating casually they're like oh you know what i could pursue this person romantically and then it becomes like a romantic thing um maybe unless you're like 30 which i don't know why i said it like that it's not even that old I feel like if you're older and you're like 30 or 40, I feel like you'll go on a date. Maybe I'm just generalizing the whole public. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just going to end this here. This was so boring. I'm so sorry, guys. I tried to make this more interesting. It wasn't even more informal. It was just me ranting about love and relationships. But that's it. Oh, my God. We had... Oh my god, we've been having so many people come in the house again to repair stuff, which has been so fun. I don't think I'm going to have any... Oh my god, I think that's it with all the updates. I'm just like, I don't think I have any more personal stories to tell you. I'm just like, this is such an eventful podcast. All my information will be down below if you like it. if you want to check it out on youtube um thank you guys for putting up with this bye
